In that mould, here are two ways to let off some of that steam.  First up is Simbabwe, a game for Mac OS X that describes itself thusly:

Welcome to Simbabwe, where the property is already owned and the houses built and you compete to burn and dispossess them. Bounce around the map plundering farms, denying grain silos to opposition supporters and robbing the community chest.

Easy to play but hard to escape from, Simbabwe is a richly detailed, evolved board game with unscrupulous AI and editorial cartoon graphics.

Rig elections, gaol opponents and taunt the Commonwealth as you use intimidation and stooges to create a mugaboly on power.

Compete with Robert Mugabe, Canaan Banana, Cecil Rhodes and Sir Godfrey Huggins to earn a place on the all-time EU travel ban list!

All in very bad taste, I’m sure you’ll agree.  In reality, it’s just Monopoly in reverse – and probably the closes we’ll ever get to a genuine Zimbabwean edition of the game (we always had to make do with the South African edition – make me an offer for Eloffstraat, anyone?).  You can get it here, if you’re interested.

Yesterday’s Cape Times also had a look at a hypothetical Politburo meeting, with the Zanu-PF leadership trying to decide what to do about those election results that they’re too scared to announce:

The Zanu PF politburo gathered in sombre mood.

“I thought the elections were free and fair,” said one member. “SADC promised us they would be declared free and fair even before they took place.”

“They would have been free and fair if we had won them,” said another. “But there was a terrible mistake and the MDC won them, so they weren’t free and fair after all.”

“Can’t we count the votes again?” suggested a third. “You know, two for us and one for them, like we used to.”

“We’ve already done that, and they still win,” said the first. “We can’t go on counting the votes over and over again.”

“What was the result exactly?” asked a general.

“Shhh,” said a police chief, “you’ll send him into a rage again. You’ve seen how he can’t bear to hear it. The main thing is we have declared it to be classified information, and anyone found guilty of releasing it will be tried for treason. If those figures get into the wrong hands, life in Zimbabwe could change for all of us.”

Everyone shuddered at the thought.

“But when will we release the figures?” persisted the general. “We can’t keep them secret for ever.”

“We’ll keep them secret until we have another election, with better figures,” said the police chief.

“I know what,” said an administration secretary, “we’ll just invert the figures. We’ll give 72% to the president instead of the 27% he really got … ”

There was a roar of anger from the head of the table, and the secretary had to dodge a flying water bottle.

“Sorry, boss, I meant the 27% that those crooks in the electoral commission said you got. And we’ll give 35% to Tsvangirai instead of the 53% we all know he didn’t get.”

“Will Mbeki fall for that?” asked the general.

“He’ll fall for anything,” said the police chief. “Aziz Pahad can explain to him it was all a misrepresentation by the media.”

“I don’t know why we bother to have elections,” said a senior politburo member. “Unless you have pre-arranged to win them, what’s the point?”

One man who had kept very quiet finally spoke up. “The fact is, the people have expressed their will in this election,” he said.

“The people’s will se ma se …,” retorted the senior politburo member rudely, only he said it in Shona.

“The main thing is to protect our land from the whites,” said the administration secretary.

“But we’ve chased nearly all the whites off it,” said the quiet man. “And kyk hoe lyk ons nou.” Only he said this in Shona, too.

“But they’ll come back under Tsvangirai,” argued the police chief.

“If they do, maybe we’ll get some food production going again,” said the quiet man.

There was a bellow of fury from the head of the table, and guards quickly dragged the quiet man out of the room. When they shut the door, you could hardly hear his screams of pain.

“With luck,” said the police chief, “we can get him to confess he rigged the whole election.”

Remember: Laughter is the best medicine…